Pizza At The Pool

Everyone has a comfort zone. We all have our inhibitions, some more than others, and I have come to realize that this line, this limit, can be breached not only by substance consumption, but also by observers. Similar to that physics thing, that yields different results depending on who watches the experiment. I can't remember what that experiment is called, oh well. Anyway, there is a whole genre of adult entertainment based on this, but I am speaking of nothing that extreme.

I found myself standing pool side in an apartment community I visit often. Not a social visit, but a business occasion. I held proud a hot bag full of pizzas, four twelve inch medium one toppers, steaming and smelling quite delicious. It can be rather difficult, especially when hungry, to drive around all day delivering pizza while having to smell these delectable edibles. In this instance I was happy to be standing around outdoors, delivering to customers enjoying themselves at a pool, at night with a gentle breeze carrying away the sweet smell of that tasty pie.

Normally we pizza guys prefer our customers to be hasty in handing over pie payment, so we can be on our way, tips in hand, towards our next location to receive more tips. Time equals money. It can irk us to no end having to wait around, wasting time and money, for customers who aren't prepared to hand over the funds. Though, when in the company of half a dozen mostly naked, pool water dripping, smoking hot, toasty babes, we can overlook this minor inconvenience. It is moments like this I am embarrassed to be in uniform, and balding.

Being ill-prepared for the transaction, one of these luscious ladies, the one in charge of giving me the dough, had to saunter back to her apartment, leaving wet footprints in the stones like a bread crumb trail. I was left waiting. The other girls on the other hand, whose skin glowed green from the underwater pool lights refracting through the water, sending sparkles of luminescence glittering through the air like a glimpse into a fairy tale, decided to engage me in conversation.

This usually leads to trouble.

You see, I am a bit of a novelty, a toy to be examined and squeezed it seems, yet, I don't let forth any annoying high pitched squeal. The shrill sounds that come from a doggy toy are responses that you expect. When I am asked the most general of questions, or squeezed, in your average social herd gatherings, I have a tendency to emit something altogether, puzzling. This is most often followed by even more equally puzzled questions and a tiresome dialogue ensues. To avoid this I commit what most consider a sin: I lie.

One man's sin is another man's convenience.

They offered me a beer and an illegal substance to smoke while I waited for the cash. If I were to tell them the truth, that I don't partake of any such endeavors, it would make the situation uncomfortable, for them, and they would react as most herd animals do, when confronted with a possible threat, and fall over belly up, become fearful and paranoid, or ask me why I don't indulge. I get tired of having to answer for myself, so I lie.

"No thanks, I am on the clock right now."

With a chuckle and a snort, they proceeded to pressure me, which is what always happens, and I refused once again.

"Man, my boss is in the store tonight. I can't."

They seemed disappointed yet eager to try a new approach. So they did next, what all well mannered ladies do, and proceeded to lift their bikini tops. As they explained, they didn't want me to leave without something to make up for me having to wait.

Really, a tip would have been fine.

Now, the chances of me losing my job over this, or a lawsuit coming forth are slim to none, but I have to play by the corporate rules and be a good soldier. So I did what all guys would do in my situation, when face to boob with ladies that are by far out of our league. I turned, looked away, and implored them to keep their tops on. As I explained, business was slow and it was no trouble having to wait for the funds. Another lie, over a bitten bottom lip.

Sure, they had some drinks in them, but what bakes my noodle most is why on earth they would expose themselves to a total stranger like that? I could be the next BTK for all they knew. Of course, I am not, but do they walk around topless while shopping for groceries too? Probably not. So, as you can see, some people are more open to others than they would be with people they already know, or something. They knew I would be leaving soon, and so took it upon themselves to express some primal instinct or notion that I truly do not understand.

This may be some mating ritual, akin to the full bloom of a peacock's feathers, but I don't have much of a clue as to how to react. Wasn't I supposed to dance too? Only if the music plays. In this case it wasn't, though, those feathers were painfully resplendent. Anyway, I don't care for dancing. It could have been just a playful game.

I just find the willingness funny, that's all.

Love,
Smiley

A month later...

For the Month of May I gave blogging a good effort and managed more posts than any other month previously. Then June happened. Nothing. Whoops! I do have a tendency to polarize.

Technically, I did make some posts, just not here. I have become a forum regular over at my favorite video game hub http://www.teamxbox.com/. On that site I posted over 150 times and wrote two video game blogs for the site. I am not sure if in-depth gaming bloggings would work here or not, I approach this page with a different mind, and so I will leave those for the other site. Or not. Who knows? Whatever.

June saw me leave behind some things, and in turn, take up new ones. Like anyone else out there trying to traverse The Waters of Life, I too get wet in my efforts to swim. You see, I am a man of passions and obsessions. I am always involved in some project or hobby. When those activities remove themselves from my focus, I reflexively dive into other attention garnering delectables. For example, two major recipients of my limited attention span have drifted away. One, I no longer have a girlfriend. Two, my band is still drowning in an ocean of sea-sick inducing hiatus.

My relationship dissolved because we, who began as castaways on a deserted island, set out across the seas in different directions. One, guided by stars, sailing in search of uncharted lands. The other, following maps and navigational tools, in search of a place to call home. We are still friends, we are just no longer together. Over time we grew apart and weren't making each other happy anymore, despite the love. We each found new places to live and have carried on with our lives. Life floats on.

Finding a new drummer has been a lesson in aggravating futility. It is like trying to find a needle in a hay stack, while blindfolded. You just hope to get stabbed when you reach blindly into the heap. Both the search and the find can result in a bloodletting. We have a possible try-out, but much to our chagrin, we will have to completely flip our daily schedules in order to jam with the neonate. I normally don't wake up before 4p.m. and if we jam with the new guy, I will have to arise before noon. Ack! That's rock n' roll I suppose. No rest for the wicked.

To compensate for the lack of meaningful attention sinks, I have taken up an old hobby I abandoned back in '97. Magic: The Gathering. It is a collectible card game, where two or more players assume the role of powerful spell casting mages (wizards) and fling magic (cards with neat pictures on them) at one another in an attempt to kill the other players. Sounds nerdy, and it is, but negative connotations aside, it is really no different than poker. High cards beat low cards, and players try to deplete the other players life points, or in the case of poker, chips.

So far, it has helped fill some of the void in my life, while simultaneously emptying my bank account. I did make the mistake, though, of choosing a hobby that requires multiple players, and I don't have many friends. In fact, none of my few friends can get past the nerdy stereotype and refuse to play. I sit atop a mountain of thousands of cards and have no one to play with. Oh well, like I said, at least the cards have pretty pictures on them. I will have to search the comic book stores and hobby shops for other people to play with. Kind of sucks because I wont know any of these people, but screw it, I want to play.

What inspired me to get back into Magic was the release of a video game version of it for Xbox Live Arcade. They did a marvelous job of translating a table-top collectible card game into a video game and I have spent countless hours playing it. I figured, why not get into the real deal as well? We will see how long this lasts before I find myself adrift once again, or rather, before I notice I am adrift.

Anyway, there are more stories to tell and flawed insights to share, but I have the rest of the month for that.

Love,

SG

Speaking Of Destruction...

This story isn't capturing many headlines.

Have you heard what North Korea has been up to lately? NK decided to test fire missiles, one ground-to-air and one ground-to-ship. Don't forget that they recently detonated an atomic bomb underground! All of this violates U.N. resolutions against them. Think about it, there are a lot of places that can be destroyed within missile range of their border. The leaders of U.N. countries are meeting, drawing up even more resolutions, and engaging in dramatic rhetoric. We know how our leaders feel about NK's brazen and hostile actions, but more importantly, how do we the people feel?

Look at history: rogue nations always eventually succumb to the containment of the peace seeking world, internal coup, or economic collapse. Regimes bent on world domination and enslavement haven't met much success, and on a less extreme scale, countries governed by insane modern day pirates haven't amounted to much either. Then again, when in history has any of those "axis" nations possessed weapons of mass destruction? You could argue for regimes of yore, but they weren't really of North Korea's ilk.

Kim Jong Il has either an over abundance of testicles or a hyper deficiency of brain cells. His past actions have painted him a psychotic, not a global threat to liberty. What can NK possibly have to gain by waving an atomic middle finger at the world? Perhaps they just want to be a bully, gain some respect out of fear, and force others into doing their bidding? With a nuclear threat looming over us NK may just be hoping that the world sees them as too much of a bother to deal with. "Give me a cookie or I'll shoot!"

I deal with this frequently as a pizza delivery expert. Some customers will try to out hassle me in order to get their way. Maybe they want cheaper food, or don't want to show me the credit card they used over the phone, or don't want to write their driver's license number on a check. They will fight, and sigh, and make a big to do about what I ask of them. It's so hard to write a DL number on a slip of paper. I will calmly inform them that I can wait longer than they can and will not budge, or give them their food, until I have my way, and before long, they cave and give me what I require. Knowing they had no ground to stand on to begin with, they were hoping that I didn't have the stomach to fight them back. They soon discover that I always win.

Think about it. This problem isn't going to just go away. Actions will have to be taken. If nothing is done to stop NK, they WILL have the capabilities to destroy the world in short order. It doesn't take many atomic bombs to bring about our end. It takes even fewer to cause a major hassle.

Scenario one.

NK decides to punish South Korea's attempts at combating the North Korean pirates smuggling weapons in and out of NK. What does the rest of the world do? Invade? We invade, with hopes of dethroning Kim Jong Il, and a hidden A-Bomb detonates below ground, destroying the invasion force, and kills thousands of civilians in close proximity. Radioactive fallout kills crops in China, Japan, North and South Korea, and reaches all the way to Hawaii. Water becomes undrinkable in neighboring countries, and the poisonous aftermath claims even more lives. Now the country that stepped in to stop NK just triggered a chain of events that killed millions. Was it worth it? Mr. Il may have destroyed himself, but he caused a lot of damage on the way out. What a hassle.

Scenario two.

There are people that want to see us dead. Trace it back to Xerxes, the Persian Empire, and beyond. Their mission in life is to see the collapse of western civilization and the enslavement of all who are not them. This war has been fought for over two thousand years, even though most people aren't aware of it. The declaration of war against the west, written by Xerxes' father, Darius The Great, still stands to this day and thousands of soldiers fight his eternal war. Occasionally, they strike a blow against us and remind us that this war is not over. See: 9-11. This war will not end until one side wipes out the other.

We undermine most of their sinister machinations, but on a long enough time line, they do slip one past us and we sustain a bloody nose. Try as we might, we can't stop everything. Compare them to a burglar. Really, home security systems can only prevent so much. If someone is determined enough, they will find away past your security, or just drive a truck into your living room and grab your t.v.. Anyone can kick in your front door at any moment and shoot you. Fact of life. It's not a matter of "if" it's a matter of "when." We will see more attacks. It's inevitable. Do you see where I am going with this?

How easy it would be for an evil cult, organization, or rogue militant group to acquire WMDs from NK. If that happens, then the terrorist is just a border hop away from back-pack nuking a major U.S. city. The technology exists for small portable nukes. It can happen. Considering Murphy's Law, it will happen. 9-11 happened, what's to stop something even worse? The only limit to annihilation is total annihilation. Mr. Il sticking it to us via someone else’s jihad.

Sure, those are extreme situations and a lot of things have to fall into place for any of that to come true, but draw up any other possibility and where does it lead? Peace or war? I think we are about to experience some major hardship and devastation. On the bright side, it was WWII that pulled the U.S.A. out of The Great Depression and ushered in the baby boom. This could be the kind of fright that we need.

Have you read or seen "Watchmen?" This is the story it tells. It may be sad, but it is our own fault. Most people assume that the problems of the world are taking place over seas and are there for someone else to deal with. Thanks to technology no where is safe anymore. We are at the mercy of maniacal whims and zealous fanaticism. Being realistic and aware is your best defense. The only way for evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing.



Love,
Smiley Grimm

:)