Words: Hammering Down A Tree.

For the most part, we speak with, type with, and utterly misuse words without even considering their origins or application as involuntarily as we breath. Words can be both a reactionary stimuli and a stimuli reaction. Words hold power.

In the end, though, words are just tools for communication. These tools were built by someone, and/or lots of someones, over many long and colorful ages. Like any tool for sale at your local hardware store - say a hammer - some can deliver a great impact, and others miss the mark entirely.

Let us consider some of my favorite words:

Extrapolate. I like this word. It is fun to say, most people don't know what it means, and is one of the few words that sounds smart and kinky at the same time!

Extrapolate: the sex-swing of words.

Conundrum. Another fun word that most don't know the definition of. When I first heard it I thought someone was physically incapacitated by a musical instrument. Once I realized what this word means, it presented the conundrum of whether I should laugh or become violent every time I found myself in one, thus creating an infinite paradoxical loop. It is a conundrum just figuring out how to pronounce it correctly the first time. Joy!

Action. This is one of my favorite all purpose tools. For me it is a placeholder, descriptor, and vocalized pause. It is very similar to "garbage" in this way. You can refer to a slice of pizza as "your action." You can throw a twenty dollar bill at a person in anticipation of "some action." It can be something that someone owns, such as, "Jeff was running around waving his action at everyone." I love it!

The dude in the foreground can't handle Superman's action.

Then again, there are words in our language that I argue were miss-crafted by our forebears. Words that don't sound anything like what they are fixed upon.

For example:

Smorgasbord. Yeah, I know what you are thinking, it's Swedish. Well, those S-weeds messed up on this one. To me it doesn't invoke the image of a large opulent table piled gullet high with food. On the contrary, I visualize something much more broad and higher reaching. I am of the mind that "Smorgasbord" should have been used as the name of a star system.

How does this sound?

"Captain, we have just entered the Smorgasbord System," said the navigator of the SS Flying Platypus.

"Thank you, Jiggy," replied Captain Feriluc. He rubbed his chin in deep consideration then ordered aloud,  "Raise the Sit-Stat to level three. You can never be sure what Smorgasbordians have up their sleeves."

Smorgasbord: a two-star system.

See what I mean? Get that petition started.

Gretchen. To all who claim this name: I pity you. For you see, this is not the name of a female. Rather, gretchen is the act of gretching, and by gretching I mean succumbing to the violent misfortunes of a gretch. Now replace all instances of the word "gretchen"  with throw-up, vomit, or puke, and you will see what I am saying.

"Oh man, that guy is about to gretch!"

"Dude, he is totally gretchen!"

Need I say more?

Now that you are aware of the fact that our ancestors weren't all geniuses, be on the look out for other words that don't match what they represent. One day, when the world is perfect, our ant-children will appreciate it.

Totally gretchen.

Love,
Smiley Grimm